“Okay boys,†my professor addressed our stadium seating Human Sexuality 101 class, “What is romance?â€
Like the first kernels of Jiffy Pop, one by one the boys slowly popped out with, “Naked.†“Warm.†“Being close.†“Being together.â€
“Yes! Naked, warm, and being together,†my teacher repeated, smiling because they’d played right into her hands. “Okay, now girls. What is romance to you?â€
Like the boys, we were slow to warm, “Chocolate.†“Candlelight.†“Flowers.â€
“Yes!†my professor exclaimed with the same orgasmic enthusiasm as Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally…
“You see the problem here?†she asked. “We are different. We see romance differently.â€
She went on with another of her legendary funny-yet-informative lectures, but I don’t remember it. Great as she was what I remember most of her class was what I learned in that one “ding-ding-ding†moment.
Maybe because it was reinforced later that week…
See, me and my then-boyfriend/now-husband were celebrating our first Valentine’s Day. And he wanted it perfect because he knew how sentimental I was.
And though he doesn’t like Italian food, he even ordered in from a fancy Italian restaurant because that was neutral ground for a vegetarian like me and a heathen, I mean, carnivore like him.
Long story short, it didn’t go well.
That lovely Italian place he ordered from just for me? They took over two hours to get us our food. Cranky and hungry, it was all we could do to not bite each other’s heads off, much less get all lovey dovey and sentimental.
When the food and wine came, we were thinking, “Great. It can only go up from here.â€
Nope.
Now, I’m not a big wine-o and I was ravenous so it took me a couple bites before it hit me that my eggplant parmesan wasn’t…right.
Did I mention I was pretty hardcore vegetarian at the time?
So I took another bite, chewing carefully. “Uh, I think this is veal parmesan.†(I might’ve dry-heaved around here.)
“Nuh-uh,†he said in total disbelief. “Here, let me try,†he speared a bite. Swallowing, his face fell.
“It’s okay. I’ll eat around it.â€
He rolled his eyes, “You can’t eat around that.â€
“Sure I can.â€
But it was nothin’ doin’. We switched plates so I could at least pick the pasta out of his shrimp dish.
He was so bummed. “I just wanted to make this special for you.â€
“But you don’t have to. What makes tonight special is us being together.â€
Being together.
Hmm…where had I heard that before? Oh yeah! The Romance lecture!
“You know what would make tonight really special?†I asked.
“No,†he says, eyes on the floor, the picture of disappointment.
I took my top off.
That got his attention.
“Tonight’s special because we’re together. The other stuff doesn’t matter.â€
And it didn’t.
Wait! Do you hear that?
That was our door slamming.
Let’s just say, I got my romance…and he got his.
Dana Diamond is Co-Media Director for OCC/RWA, a contributor to OCC’s e-zine A Slice Of Orange, and hard at work on her next book. For past interviews visit the Orange Blossom section of OCC’s award-winning website.
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Does it help to know I was wearing a bra?
Okay, you got me, it was a spiked vinyl bustier…
😉 d
Ahh the removing of the top … that always saves a romanctic evening from disaster!
Now I can’t that picture out of my head! Ick!
Not that I don’t love you, man, I just don’t love you THAT much!
Mary