A Slice of Orange

by Diane Pershing

Here’s the thing about advice: I don’t like it. I don’t like to get it and I don’t like to dish it out. Now, that’s in theory, of course. In real life I too often tell people what they ought to do in any given situation, even when they haven’t asked for input. And I’m always getting little pointers from friends on anything from where to buy the best shoes for wide feet to which retirement community I ought to be looking into for my aging mom to which of the Food Network shows might appeal to someone who doesn’t eat sugar and is always trying to “cut down.” Having a theory is easy; living it is hard.

See, the thing about advice—the unsolicited kind, that often begins with “If you don’t mind me saying…” or “You should…”—is that it sends a subliminal message saying “The way you are doing it now is wrong.” It can be coated with all kinds of caveats but that’s the one. And I don’t know about you but I’m always thinking that someone, somewhere knows better than I do how to do everything, and advice reinforces it. That’s why my back gets stiff when I’m offered unasked-for words of wisdom, and why when I find myself about to do it—I am human, after all, right?—I try to shut up before the words pass my lips. The thing is no one is doing anything the right or wrong way. They’re doing the best they can and that has to be enough.

Okay, all that being said, if I have any advice for new writers (after all, I’m blogging at the actual request of someone, right?), it’s to say Yes. Yes to writing down a random thought or idea for a book or a character or a scene. Yes to attending classes given by experienced writers. Yes to attending conferences, to submitting your work to contests, to sharing your work with people you trust and respect and taking in their feedback. Yes to incorporating it into your work if possible but not if it doesn’t resonate with you. Yes to listening to the small, inner voice that says to find the time to do this thing you’ve wanted to do for years but have been putting off because you’re guilty about taking time away from family or other commitments, or because you don’t think enough of yourself to follow through, or you have a rock-bottom, core belief you’re not good enough.

By the way, the other thing I tell new writers is to say No. No to people who are toxic to your dreams, no to people who love to criticize but have no solutions, no to the negative inner voices that may be part of us all, but when we listen to them we give them the upper hand, and I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like giving power to anything that tells me I’m not good enough. Gets my back up, you know?

As you can tell, I don’t have any ABC-type pointers today; there are lots of teachers and writers out there with excellent ones to share, so make use of them. Instead I’ll close with some random thoughts I have about writing in general (taken from a recent on-line class I taught) and I hope worth something to someone somewhere:

Writing is not easy; it’s the hardest work I’ve ever done.

If I fall in love with a phrase or a sentence or paragraph and am having to re-write a whole section just to be sure to keep that phrase or sentence or paragraph in, it probably has to go. I always get sad about this, but I always get over it. For this purpose I have created a MISC. REJECTS file. All of them go in there, and I am always determined I will use these brilliant phrases or sentences or paragraphs one day in something else. So far, I never have.

When dealing with editors and agents, I try to be warm and open, but I always keep in mind that this is a business and we are not friends. I try to have very few expectations or fantasies about them; inevitably they will disappoint me if I do.

When others ask me, uninvited, to help them “get published” I cordially tell them it’s not in my power to do so. If they ask me, uninvited, to read their stuff, I cordially tell them my own writing takes up too much of my time to deal with other people’s writing and suggest they join a writer’s or critique group. I try never to act put out. If they are displeased, it’s not my problem; I am responsible for my actions, not other people’s reactions.

I always hope my editor will accept a manuscript exactly as it is; this has never happened.

For all of my nineteen book sales, I have had at least twice as many rejections. Over the years, they hurt less. I just keep plowing on.

I have an answering machine instead of voice mail. That way I can monitor my calls while I’m writing. I am not guilty when I don’t pick up the phone.

I am about to embark on a Single Title Woman’s Fiction novel—some romance but more about other relationships, and as much sex as I feel comfortable writing. The last time I tried I was turned down by six prominent editors; it’s taken a while to get up the courage to try again.

I am a strong woman. I am a feminist. I love reading and writing romances. If I didn’t—if I had any shame or discomfort about it—I wouldn’t be doing it.

Sometimes what’s on the page is doo doo and I can only hope tomorrow will be better. It usually is.

I love words, always have. I love books, always have. I raised my children to love words and books and, thank god, they do.

Most of my ideas come from dreams or random thoughts that begin with “What if?” As the years go on, there is more of a direct connection to my creativity/unconscious and I am less and less in my own way. It wasn’t like this in the beginning, not in the least. I used to tie myself up in knots over what I wasn’t getting down on the page. I am so glad time has passed and I’ve gotten older. No kidding.

I hate a lot of my books’ covers, and a great many of their titles, but I’ve learned that I don’t have a lot of control in that department. Argggghhhh.

I love other writers. I laugh more in their company than I do with any other type of human being.

I despise envy. I especially despise it when I sense it in myself, but, alas, it does come up. I work on it.

I give thanks every day that I am not a perfectionist. If it’s 90% there, I’m happy.

I never have writers’ block; every time I sit down to write, I do. It’s getting me to that chair that can be a huge problem. I wish I were more disciplined; never have been, most likely won’t be.

If I didn’t enjoy the act of writing, I wouldn’t be doing it. Hope you feel the same way.

Diane Pershing’s May release from Silhouette Romantic Suspense, ONE COOL LAWMAN, received a “4 ½ stars, Top Pick” rating from “Romantic Times.”