by Evelyn Q. Darling
Romance Reporter At Large
Is your romance novel heroine qualified for the job?
Did you interview her before you started writing? I don’t mean where she went to school, what her favorite color is, etc. but whether or not she’s qualified for the job as a romance novel heroine.
For example, does she have the skills needed to perform her job: Can she shoot a Glock if you’re writing an FBI agent? Lace up a corset if she’s interviewing for the job as a Victorian lady’s maid?
Or she may be overqualified for the job. For example, she can type faster than you or she has aspirations to leave the romance novel field and get a literary gig.
How long has she been out of work?
Romance novel jobs are hard to get and if it’s been decades since she slipped between the pages of a novel, you might want to reconsider. On the other hand, experience between the sheets is important for every romance heroine.
A typical interview could go like this:
Miss Jones, I’m writing a novel that takes place during the Regency Period. Are you a fan of Jane Austen?
Miss Jones: Jane who? I’m so into Lady Gaga. Love her sunglasses.
Next…
Miss Smith, my next novel is about an FBI agent who’s very physically active to catch the bad guys. Can you drop and do twenty?
Miss Smith: the only thing I dropped was twenty pounds to get this interview.
Let’s try again.
Miss von Rittenhaus, I need a romance novel heroine who sleeps all day and bites all night. Can you list your qualifications to be the vamp queen in my new urban fantasy novel?
Miss von Rittenhaus: Honey, I can snooze and cruise with the best of them. I’ve hit every vamp bar from here to
When can you start?
Miss von Rittenhaus: Tonight. As soon as the sun goes down. (Pause). You haven’t mentioned a benefits package.
What do you mean?
Miss von Rittenhaus: Do I get overtime pay for all this night work? And how about a 401K? I’m not getting any younger and in this economy a girl, I mean vamp, has to look out for herself. What about my e-rights? And health benefits? What if I chip a fang and I have to see a dentist between chapters?
Jeez…Romance heroines…you can’t write with them and you can’t write without them.
This is Evelyn Q. Darling. Till next time when we’ll interview the romance novel hero and see if he’s up for the job.
The Blonde Samurai: “She embraced the way of the warrior. Two swords. Two loves.â€
Jina Bacarr is also the author of The Blonde Geisha ,Cleopatra’s Perfume, Naughty Paris, Tokyo Rendezvous, a Spice Brief, and Spies, Lies & Naked Thighs
At Routines for Writers, February is always Author Crush Month. It’s our Valentine to writers. Last year Shonna and Stephanie and I talked about how much we learned from all of our Author Crush guests, but I never really wrote down the things that struck me. I just thought about them for a while…until something else used up that space in my brain. (My trip to beautiful Wellington, New Zealand, last week took up all the space for a few days! See my picture at left.) This year we decided we’d really think about it and write it up to share with you. Here is what I learned during Author Crush month this year.
Andrea Nasfell, February 2 – There is no time for indecision. I like that. I think I’m going to spend a little more time brainstorming before I begin writing and then be confident with the decisions I made and keep writing. I’ve spent far too much time the last few years second-guessing myself and my writing. (Being in school again has also emphasized this point for me.)
Janice Hardy, February 4 – Spend time make your first line great! I love first lines myself, and I love working and working on mine until I just love my final choice. It’s a good way to spend your driving time or waiting time.
Larry Brooks, February 7 – His #1 tip is Every Scene Should Have a Succinct Mission. That’s another way to say something I’ve read before, but the way Larry explains it made my entire book rush through my head as I considered whether I’d accomplished this. I know what I want to go change tomorrow! (Remember, Larry will be our guest for the next four Tuesdays in March!)
Janice Cantore, February 9 – What an encouraging story that books you’ve written and had rejected still may get picked up!
Erin Bow, February 11 – No one had me laughing out loud as much as I did when I read Erin’s office is in a pole-dancing studio! That is awesome! Just the thought of it makes my imagination take flight.
Justine Toh, February 16 – For someone who writes as funny as Justine, it cracks me up that she spends so much time avoiding writing. But it also makes me feel better about my own procrastination issues. 🙂
Brad Zockoll, February 18 – I loved his “what if†examples! And I totally get that feeling – When I write, I feel God’s pleasure. It’s a good reminder to get me sitting down writing every day – just remember how good it can feel once you get into it each day.
Mitchell Bonds, February 21 – Take control of your work space. Yes, I need to do that. I share an office with my husband right now, but this weekend I told him that our next home needs to have a space that is only for my writing. Meanwhile, I need to work harder at keeping my desk clear. I don’t know why but it makes me feel more free in my writing. A cluttered surface makes my thoughts feel cluttered. Weird? True.
Kathleen Wright, February 22 – I love the G-shells as expressions of what God’s grace can do in our lives. What a fun example! And what an encouraging story about giving up and finding out God and your writing haven’t given up on you.
Shanna Swendson, February 24 – We’re always reminded to protect our writing time, but Shanna hit my nail on the head when she said we also need to protect it from ourselves! This week I’ve been closer to protecting my writing time (inasmuch as I actually tried). Starting tomorrow, I’m going to succeed in protecting my writing time from ME.
Jackina Stark, February 25 – When Jackina said she didn’t really have a writing routine, but she managed to write 4-5 hours a day when she worked full-time, I was shocked. What else can I let go of and stop spending my time on so that I can free up more time for writing? Or to make it work for me – how can I look at my writing as more appealing than the other things I spend my time on (like watching what I consider to be awesome TV, or trying to respond to every single email I get, or reading all the interesting articles and blogs that don’t actually help me get words down on paper)?
Kathy Tyers, February 28 – I’ve become a fan of written goals, but I love Kathy’s attitude that they can be written in pencil. Awesome. I’m a big fan of flexibility in all areas of life. I think it lends a more relaxed tone to life. And I like relaxed better than stressed out. 🙂
There’s my take on what I learned this month. It’s a lot to think about…until Author Crush Month next year.
by Linda O Johnston
I miss OCC.
I haven’t been able to attend a meeting for a while, and still won’t get there till May at the earliest. Sigh.
Why?
Well, in January I had another commitment, and in February I couldn’t get there because I was in the middle of frantically trying to meet a deadline. Plus, I was–and am still–dealing with a lot of time-consuming promotion for my new Pet Rescue Mystery series that debuted on March 1 with BEAGLEMANIA.
I won’t be there this month, either, because of a signing I’ve got lined up. In fact, I have a lot of signings scheduled. I had two last week, one at the grand reopening of the Flintridge Bookstore, and a launch party for BEAGLEMANIA at Mystery Ink in Huntington Beach. My signing on March 12, the date of the next OCC meeting, is at Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks. Coming up are signings on March 19 at Vroman’s in Pasadena, and at Bookstar in Studio City on March 26. (My name is already in lights there! Bookstar is a former theater and keeps its marquee going to publicize events.)

BEAGLEMANIA, March 2011 Berkley Prime Crime |


Visit Linda at LindaOJohnston.com or http://killerhobbies.blogspot.com/
This has been a dreadful week. I didn’t get any writing done. I had plans to go to lunch with Debra Young, my critique partner, on Saturday, but had to cancel. I had lunch scheduled tomorrow with someone I have known since I was two, but have not seen in 35 years. I cancelled that also. I hope to make Plot Group next Friday.
The reason I had to cancel my plans and got nothing done was I met my ex-boss for lunch on Thursday at Applebee’s. On the way in as Kathy was telling me how well I was walking, I caught my toe on something and fell. Hit my knees, then went down on my face. Tweaked my glasses. Hit my cheek on the step. Landed on my purse, which I think bruised my ribs. And, I broke my fingernail. Thank goodness that was all I broke. I didn’t hit my head, which was good.
Of course I instantly had waitresses asking if I wanted an ambulance. I really just wanted to be able to breathe. Then the manager was there asking the same thing. I finally managed to sit up. The manager order me a chair and I just sat there and looked at it. I had to get on my knees to get up in the chair and that was not happening. I levered myself backwards to the stairs, lifted myself up one using the railing, then up the second. I could put my feet on the floor, but couldn’t get up. I had to use one of the waitresses’ arm to get to my feet.
Lunch was nice and they gave us extra ice cream. I didn’t hurt my back, which was good, however, I can hardly move. My right arm turned black and blue today and I didn’t even hit it. I must have twisted it because I was holding on to my cane.
Once I can think again, I may use this experience and give Pax some bruises from his slipping and sliding in the alley, then being whisked into another dimension.
I hope everyone is doing better than I am.
Hi everyone! Check out the exciting online classes offered by the
Orange County Chapter of RWA!
“Mauled Men, Drowned Dames and Crispy Critters: a Body Disposal Primer for Writers”
with Jeanne P. Adams
March 14 – April 9, 2011
Love grammar? Hate grammar? Love to hate grammar?
Contrary to popular belief, grammar is not a sinister conspiracy plot designed by evil English teachers (the Grammar Gods) to ruin every writer in the free world’s fun by screwing with personal style. (Seriously, it’s not.)
From subject-verb agreement to passive voice, faulty construction to misplaced modifiers, word choice and usage to quotation marks and commas, the Grammar Divas (an English teacher and a professional copywriter) sort through the all the rules and share in a fun yet informative way the ten most important grammar issues every fiction writer should understand and practice.
COST: $20 for OCC members, $30 for non-members
http://www.occrwa.org/onlineclasses.html. Check out our full list of workshops.
Want to be notified personally two weeks before each class? Be sure you’re signed up for our Online Class Notices Yahoo Group!
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CJ has returned from war. But she has not left the war behind.
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