Dialogue Tags: How To Kill Off Some Of The Little Buggers
April 10, 2011 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as Craft, Sharla Rae, writingInstead of: “Stop it!” James said. [He could be angry but then again he could be laughing hard and telling someone to stop it. But if we say: James said, angrily, we’re telling.]
- Try: James sliced the air with his hand. “Stop it!”
- Try: “Stop it!” James held his sides, laughing.
Instead of: “Is she serious?” Amber asked, rolling her eyes.
- Try: “Is she serious?” Amber rolled her eyes and laughed.
Instead of: “Gosh, I love this song,” Jill said, dreamily. [Yikes an ly word]
- Try: “Gosh, I love this song.” Jill closed her eyes and swayed to the music.
Instead of: “Try it, you little weasel,” Jake bellowed. “Just try it.”
- Try: “Jake’s palms slapped the tabletop. “Try it, you little weasel. Just try it.”
Instead of: “You jerk!” Pam screamed, swinging her handbag at him.
- Try: “You jerk!” Pam lashed out at him with her handbag.
The same idea applies to the he or she thought tags.
Example:
Instead of: Can this day get any worse? Jane wondered.
- Try: Jane slumped into the nearest easy chair and kicked off her shoes. Could this day get any worse?
Instead of: If he comes through that door, I’ll brain him, Jill silently vowed.
- Try: If he comes through that door, I’ll brain him. Jill’s fingernails bit into her palms. [Shows determination]
Punctuation can be used to negate tags that indicate strong feelings. To demonstrate what I mean, I’ll use one of my above examples.
“You jerk!” Pam screamed, swinging her handbag at him.
Given there is an exclamation mark after jerk, we know Pam said this with strong feelings. Unless we want her screaming to draw the attention of characters around her, we don’t need to “tell” the reader she screamed. Also, her actions indicate anger and that makes the tag an even bigger overkill. But what if Pam said it under her breath so as not to draw attention? Do we need to say, she whispered? It works. But we could also say: Pam sneered and leaned close, her lips a mere inch from his ear. “Jerk.”
Note: Don’t over use exclamation marks. Again, body language will work just as well.
It must be said, though, that having all the characters on stage constantly nodding, scratching, dancing and throwing things would be just as annoying — not to mention ridiculous — as too many tags. So a few tags are allowed and in some instances they work better for a tight, straight to the point sentence.
I know of no set rules on how many dialogue tags are allowed on a page. The best rule of thumb is to vary your dialogue and cut them when possible. And if you’re still unsure, read the page out loud. Too many tags make the writing sound choppy. They also distract.
The right balance will result in tighter writing that “shows more and “tells” less.
Interesting related websites:
- Three Places Where You Should Tell: http://wordplay-kmweiland.blogspot.com/2011/02/three-places-where-you-should-tell.html
- From an Editor’s POV: http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/25/use-and-abuse-of-dialogue-tags/
- The Use and Abuse of dialogue tags: http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/said.shtml
- Avoid Creative Dialogue Syndrome: http://users.wirefire.com/tritt/tip4.html/
The Power of “Why?” by Kitty Bucholtz
April 9, 2011 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as It's Worth It
Today I met with my friend Betsy for hot chocolate and brainstorming. We’re both in our last semester of our Master of Arts in Creative Writing degrees, so we’re both working on our “final project” book. We’ve read a little of each other’s work over the last 14 months, but it’s not like being in the same critique group for years: we don’t know each other’s stories inside and out.
So it was with some trepidation thatI started trying to explain-slash-figure-out my story in the back room of a nearby cafe. Twice Betsy said, “But why?” Why does the story have to be set in the future? Why do you need to have destroyed the government before the story begins?
I was getting frustrated because I didn’t know how to answer the questions (hence the world building brainstorming). I was too nervous to explain some of the reasons in my head because they sounded silly out loud – like that the second protagonist/mentor is an undercover angel. But my not explaining things was confusing to Betsy.
She finally stopped and said, wait, what did you want to brainstorm about, I’ll stop interrupting. But I saw the opportunity to really dig into the story (only because now I’ve had years of experience in missed opportunities), so I said, no, let’s figure out the answers to your questions. Maybe we’ll think of something fresh and new.
And in less than an hour, my dystopian futuristic fantasy that I knew very little about was suddenly a Kitty story. Not dystopian, not futuristic, but a world I could totally see in my head. I really knew the location now that we’d re-set it in Philadelphia, and I really knew the world now that we’d made it “now.” I understood the ways children could go missing and no one could find them, and I had believable reasons for how a secret underground group could exist in this small world we’ve created with our technology.
The story began to have my voice again. And that, perhaps, was the thing that had made me most nervous when I woke up this morning – it was a really interesting story, but not a Kitty story.
So now I’m sitting here with a glass of Australian wine, some Green& Black’s 85% dark organic chocolate, and episode 1 of several TV shows we own that have characteristics I’m interested in for my story. Oh, and an open notebook with a lot of writing in it. Life is awesome again.
What are you struggling to brainstorm? Can you try discussing your idea with someone who knows nothing about it so you can be forced to answer the question, why?
Tell us what you’re doing and what has worked for you!
Kitty Bucholtz is a writer and speaker, and a member of Romance Writers of America and Romance Writers of Australia. She co-founded Routines for Writers (http://www.routinesforwriters.com/) a web site dedicated to helping writers write more. In 2011, Kitty will receive her Master of Arts in Creative Writing degree from University of Technology, Sydney.
Let’s Get Physical!
April 7, 2011 by Marianne H. Donley in category Archives tagged as Charlotte Carter, Exercise, writing lifeNon-writers have no idea how physically demanding being a full-time writer can be.
What? Do I hear you laughing? Not so fast.
Give some thought to what happens to a body when it spends eight or ten or more hours per day in a sitting position. (Granted, I have writer friends who sit curled up in a big easy chair with a laptop all day, but that can’t be too swift on a body either.)
Wrist and elbow problems, and carpal tunnel, are as frequent as typos for writers.
The spine — all those discs and vertebra — can turn on their owner, resulting in serious orthopaedic problems.
Knees and hips are joints that are meant to move, not remain immobile for hours on end. (I assume you’ve heard of the condition called ‘piano player’s spread.’ Same problem for writers.)
And then there’s the foggy brain syndrome which is a result of hours of being sedentary and no blood reaching the brain.
Writers have to get up and MOVE! Deadline or not. MOVE!
Some folks have home gym equipment like a treadmill. (Please note: Treadmills are only effective if used regularly, not left sitting in a corner.)
Some writers take walks. That’s a great way to let your brain toy with your latest plot idea or characters.
I’m a member of Curves, the 30-minute women’s exercise program. I haven’t lost a lot of weight, and I’m a long way from being buff, but it does give me a chance to talk to ‘real’ people, in contrast to those talkative characters who inhabit my brain.
So, writers, let’s get moving!
The Writing Life…
April 6, 2011 by Linda O. Johnston in category Pets, Romance & Lots of Suspense by Linda O. Johnston tagged as Berkley Prime Crime, Linda O. Johnston, Pet Rescue Mystery
… is busy!
And it’s not just book deadlines that are driving me nuts these days. I’ve taken on blog guest appearances in addition to my weekly post on Killer Hobbies and my monthly post here at A Slice of Orange.
Plus, I’ve thrown myself into pet rescue after all the research I’ve done and continue to do for my new Pet Rescue Mystery series, which started in March with BEAGLEMANIA. I volunteer weekly as a dog adoption counselor at a local private shelter, plus I’ve become the L.A. Pet Rescue Examiner. I have to admit that I haven’t been posting articles for the Examiner as often as I’d like, but I hope to remedy that–and in the meantime I’m collecting some good stuff to talk about there.

 |
| BEAGLEMANIA, March 2011 Berkley Prime Crime |

Linda O! Johnston
Visit Linda at LindaOJohnston.com
or http://killerhobbies.blogspot.com/
April Submissions
April 1, 2011 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as Entangled Publishing, Louisa Bacio, Submissions
This month brings a diverse set of calls, and information on a few new publishers, including Entangled Publishing. Hopefully, you’ll find some inspiration …
Entangled Publishing, a new exclusive boutique publisher, is seeking novels and novellas in the following subgenres of romantic fiction for publication in August 2011 and beyond: Paranormal and Urban Fantasy, Contemporary, Romantic Thrillers, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Upper “YA†(17 to 22-year-old protagonists) that will appeal to crossover audiences.
Compensation: Ravenous Romance short story advance of $10, a copy of the anthology, plus a pro rata share of any revenue/subsidiary rights.
