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Mal, Mertiz, My Kid and Me

March 15, 2013 by in category Archives

My youngest son is a Peace Corps volunteer in Albania.  If you don’t know where Albania is, no worries.  I didn’t either. Once he was assigned, though, our family became experts on this Eastern European country half a world away. He’s been gone two years now and still has a year and will serve another two months. Over the years, our Skype talks, IMs and emails are filled with interesting information. These conversations go something like this:
Me: Are you warm?
Eric: It’s below freezing. There’s a hole in the wall of my apartment where the chimney for a heating stove is supposed to go, but birds are living there.  The landlord doesn’t want to disturb the birds.
Me: He’d rather you freeze to death?
Eric: I put a piece of cardboard over the hole and turn on my cooking stove to keep warm. I moved the couch to the kitchen, and I sleep on it. With my clothes on.  And my hat. It’s only a little below freezing.
Me: But are you warm?
At that point the conversation veers away from the topic of how a California boy survived two brutal Albanian winters.  He’s 26, this is his adventure, and he doesn’t need mom to remind him to put on his galoshes. He also doesn’t want to waste precious time discussing the temperature. When the intermittent electricity and Internet connection allow, our conversations are peppered with pictures of the scorpions he finds in his boots and bed in the summer, the gunfire he hears that no one pays attention to, and the cows he chases down the street simply because they are there and he is young and hungry for all experiences. I hear about the ‘grandmothers’ in his town who have adopted him, the students who want to learn English, and the kindness of people who share what they have.
Then there are those personal conversations between my playwright son and me. We cross the miles with talk of family, futures, writing, disappointments, happy times and revelations. Sometimes words fail us, and that is not unusual for those who make their living writing them.  The enormity of a thought is hard to express in pixels or through jerky images on a screen; it needs hands and facial expressions and the intensity of real proximity to make a thought understood.  Often words escape us because what we are thinking seems insignificant, too small to waste precious time on. English, for all its energy, can be limiting; Albanian, for all its convolution is not.
Which brings me to the new words I learned: mal and mertiz. In this intricate language that my son attacked and conquered with relish, all words have many meanings. Mal translates to both nostalgia and mountain. That seemed so right to me. We all have a mountain of nostalgia that has pushed through the ground of our lives and built upon itself.  There are crevices where regret is caught and great bold faces slick with the memories of life-changing events; there are crags and fissures of reminiscences covered with clouds of wistfulness and longing. One day that mountain of memories can be comforting and the next overwhelming – it all depends on the light in which we view it and the place on which we stand at any given moment.
Mertiz is the Albanian word for upset, lonely and bored. That, too, seems just right.  If we are at odds-and-ends, uncomfortable in our own skin with boredom or loneliness, are we not upset and anxious? It is really kind of neat to tie so much turmoil together in one word.  Mertizis not to be confused with anger or frustration; it is much more subtle than that and infinitely more dramatic. 
I am grateful to know that this feeling I have been harboring for the last two years is simply mertiz, a loneliness for my far-away son, a restlessness that he is not here to talk to me about our shared passion for writing, a twinge of disappointment that he is not sitting at my table eating food I made for him. But I see that mertiz leads to mal.   If I am upset and anxious that my child is freezing, if I am bored because I miss the talks late into the night, the hugs he never failed to give, that only means my mountain has grown. See that new foothold up near the peak? It is mal for the boy who once needed me to keep him warm and now simply needs me to talk to him in a new vocabulary that really just says we miss one another.
Eric continues to inspire me to use my words in the best possible way. I can’t thank him enough for expanding my vocabulary and my imagination.

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The Case of the Missing Blue Parasol by Jina Bacarr

March 11, 2013 by in category Archives tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

I can’t find my blue parasol.

White lace ruffle, long white handle.

I’ve looked high and low, in closets, in the garage behind old lawn tools, everywhere.

Oh, fiddle de dee, as Scarlett would say. This charming piece of Southern femininity is an important symbol to me as I work on my Civil War romance time travel, “The Bride Wore Gray.” It’s a prop I’ve had for years when I worked in the theatre. A symbol of the attitudes and mores of ladies in a time gone by.

Can you imagine maneuvering your parasol over your shoulder while trying to text on your smart phone?

Not a pretty sight.

But don’t the dismiss the uses of a parasol too easily. These ladies knew what they were doing. A parasol can be used for:

Flirting.

Protecting your skin from the sun.

Whacking a gent over the head if he makes an unwelcome advance.

A quick cover in a rain emergency.

And certainly, a parasol is at its best if you’re Mary Poppins.

No, that was an umbrella, but you get the idea. But I believe a parasol has the same magic as Mary Poppins’ brolly when you pop it open and sling it over your shoulder in a sexy manner. It gives that provocative Southern charm to any woman. And makes flirting more fun.

That’s why I need my blue parasol. When I’m writing the character of Pauletta Sue Buckingham, the Southern spy in “The Bride Wore Gray,” it evokes that era and the slow, easy living of the time, as well as the seductive nature of her character.

Last time, I posted the beginning of the Prologue for “The Bride Wore Gray” with Pauletta Sue trying to out ride the Yankees hot on her tail. She remembers her first night with her beloved, Captain Colton Trent:

Here is the next installment of “The Bride Wore Gray:”

A lone bird creased the early morning sky with its silent wings, soaring upward and out of sight. She [Pauletta Sue] watched it disappear into the heavens. Like a soul in flight.

His soul.

A humid breeze kissed the back of her neck as she breathed in the dawn so deeply her lungs hurt. Tears welled in her eyes. Was it only a fortnight ago she had trembled at his touch?

Holding her so close to him, the heat of their bodies stripped away the heavy cottons, whalebone and silk ribbons of her garments separating them, the hardness of his chest crushing her soft breasts.

Two weeks? Or a lifetime?

“I cannot send you on your mission without telling you how much I love you, my darling,” she’d whispered in his ear, leading his hand to her breast. Daring, unladylike, but Pauletta Sue was beyond acting like a lady.

Brazen as a cheeky farmer’s daughter, she’d slipped past the sentries down to the river, where the Confederate troops were camped, defying all authority to meet him. They’d planned to be married next spring when the roses bloomed again and the fields were thick with plump cotton. The war would be over by then, everyone said, but Pauletta Sue couldn’t wait. They were married in a secret ceremony by the magistrate, the paper not yet filed. They’d had no time for a wedding night.

Then she started thinking. What if something happened to her beloved? No, Pauletta Sue swore. She couldn’t bear to live. Something told her to come to him now.

Her hair blowing free as a restless wind, she didn’t care what anyone thought.

Only him.

“You crazy female,” he‘d said. “You’re as soft as a magnolia petal, Pauletta Sue, but as strong as an oak tree planted in Southern soil. Let me see your beautiful face.”

She lifted her wide‑brimmed straw bonnet with a big, black sash tied under her chin and smiled. She was proud of her small waist set off by a black cummerbund, her full skirts floating up around her in a sheer, filmy flower‑dotted pattern, her breasts outlined by her tight bodice. She winced as he squeezed her soft, womanly flesh, then swallowed hard when she heard him moan.

“Colton, I had to see you…touch you…love you.” She bit down on her lower lip, trying to make him understand what she wanted from him, needed, if she was going to get through this war.

“You must go, my love,” he said, the blazing look in his eyes telling her that he understood. “Before I do something to harm your reputation.”

“You do me more harm, sir, by leaving me unfulfilled,” she whispered, this time with an urgency he couldn’t deny. “We are married, in case it slipped your mind.”

He grinned. “I must have been a fool not to take you to my bed that night.”

“How could you when you were ordered back to your regiment before you even kissed your bride?”

“My bride…I want to love you as you should be loved, but not here in a dirt field with the smell of death still settling upon the ground.”

“It’s hallowed ground, my love,” she whispered. “We have but a few hours to live a lifetime.”

“Even a lifetime wouldn’t be long enough to love you, my darling.” He pulled up her skirt. The rounded hoops underneath bounced up around her, the fine French lace of her underskirts flitting through his eager fingers like frightened butterflies.

She felt no embarrassment. No silly school girl blush tinted her cheeks as she watched him pull his dirty muslin shirt up over his head, the broadness of his shoulders ripping apart the hastily-sewn seams.
She had given herself to no other.

Why must she wait for the war to be over to be with the man she loved? 
————-

I’ll keep looking for my blue parasol.

After all, in Scarlett’s words, tomorrow is another day.

Best,
Jina

Jina’s website


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Your Authentic YOU

March 9, 2013 by in category Archives tagged as , , , , , ,

Over the last few months, I’ve been getting a ton of coaching and encouragement from Jennifer Lee and all my new friends in the Right-Brain Business Plan mentorship program. We’ve learned so much, but the two things that have hit me hardest are:

  • Fail fast and often if you must, but JUST DO IT
  • Be your authentic self and it will lead to success
Both of them have a bit of the “scary” in the proposed action! 
I am one who tends not to try something rather than risk failing at it. At least I used to be that person. Recently, I’ve jumped into some things that I had been waiting on before, waiting for when I had more time or more money or more knowledge. I started a newsletter. I made a video. I promised to teach a class this summer called “Restart” that only exists in my head so far.
But the second piece that bit me hard and won’t let go is this idea of being your authentic self. I’ve been very slowly working in that direction since I graduated from high school. I wasn’t a big fan of “me” at the time. I figured when I went away to college, no one would know who I was so I could create a new and improved “me.” I’d guess this is pretty common for young people. 🙂
I’m pretty happy with myself in general now, but I’m still a “good girl.” I mostly stick to the rules, I look for ways to help others, even at my own expense, and I try to keep a lid on the things people say they don’t want to know about. 
But that isn’t completely authentic, is it? I’ve compartmentalized myself to a degree, and I don’t always like it. For one thing, it’s hard to remember what I allow myself to say when I’m with this group of people versus that group. Some of that holding back is good because I prefer not to offend my friends. 🙂 Other times, I’m not sure there is any benefit to following the crowd.
This past week I made a decision to stop trying to keep the spiritual side of myself out of my business, out of my web site, out of my social media presence. I’d been trying my best to follow the “don’t talk about religion or politics” rule in my business (writing), but it wasn’t working that well anyway. It was like telling me I can talk about any part of my body except my left foot. It’s a part of me, necessary for normal living, and great for having fun (dancing, skipping, foot massages).
I followed that rule partly because I didn’t want to offend anyone. I don’t want my friends to think I’m a Jesus freak, afraid that I might try to baptize them when they aren’t looking. Neither do I want them to think I’m just playing at being a Christian, that it’s not real to me because I use bad language sometimes, and have sex and violence in some of my books.
For the last fifteen years, I’ve not entirely fit into the romance writers world, where I’m probably seen as a bit of a prude, nor the Christian fiction market, where I’m probably seen as too worldly and a bit shocking. The answer to why my books haven’t sold to traditional publishing houses lies here. I’ve spent these years overcoming my worry that my writing is too diluted for any market. It’s true that I don’t have enough sex and steaminess for most of the popular romance lines and subgenres. And I don’t have the right storytelling mix for the Christian market either.
But there is a market for my books. I’m just calling them Kitty books now. 🙂 They are about women like me who live lives similar to mine, who worry about the things I worry about, and care about the things I care about. 
On Monday, I posted to my blog that I am going to start being my real, authentic, whole self. The last part of me that has felt like it has to stay partly hidden is my spiritual side. So I’m going to stop trying to keep God out of the public side of my business life just because I don’t want to offend anyone. I know my books will offend some of my Christian friends and some of my non-Christian friends. But I’m going to be real now, more so than I’ve ever been. 
I’m not a shock-jock; I won’t try to offend people just to make an impact. But I’m not going to be afraid to say, “I love Jesus! He rocks!” or “I love sex! It’s the best thing God ever made!” (Well, I might still be nervous about it, but I’m going to do it anyway if I feel like it!) I’m going to be wholly me for a change.
And like the characters in my books, “me” will definitely change and grow with time. But I think the changes and growth are going to be more wonderful than they ever could’ve been before I made this decision. I’m a little scared of what mean things people will say (because we all know that happens). I’m a little nervous that I’ll lose my nerve. But mostly I’m getting more excited every day! 
The comments on my blog post are so encouraging and come from so many different kinds of people that I can’t help but want to reach out and encourage others to take a step toward being their most authentic self. If you aren’t yet the person you want to be, if you’re holding something back, consider letting go! Integrate all the parts of yourself. Be real.
Be your authentic YOU!

Kitty Bucholtz decided to combine her undergraduate degree in business, her years of experience in accounting and finance, and her graduate degree in creative writing to become a writer-turned-independent-publisher. Her first novel, Little Miss Lovesick, is now available in print and ebook format. Her next novel, Unexpected Superhero, will be released March 28, followed by Love at the Fluff and Fold this summer. Her short stories can be found in the anthologies Romancing the Pages and Moonlit Encounters, available in both print and ebook formats.

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Things That Make Me Go Mmmruh…

March 7, 2013 by in category Archives tagged as , ,

Two weeks ago I started my own blog, Becoming GVR, and I blogged every day for a week. Then, I posted my The Next Big Thing Blog Hop interview. After a week of leaving that post up, I am back in the blogging saddle. So, what went on during that quiet week?
My number of book sales more than doubled, which is a way cool feeling! I set up my author page on Amazon. I made more connections in the world of publishing, books, and writers. I relaxed for 25 minutes in a row and finished that Father Brown episode. I commissioned the modification of  my advertising bookcards and ordered 500 to be printed. I approved the initial sketches of some artwork I’ve commissioned for my website. I made sure all my ducks are in a row for the OCC book signing this weekend. I worked my other two jobs.
Something else that happened was this: one of the two movies I saw in the theatre last year, Argo, won the Oscar for best picture. I love the subtlety and understated tension of Argo as it unfolds an incredibly intense story. As I watched it, I was on the verge of tears and on the edge of my seat for the entire film.
But here’s the thing – if I chose to see only two films in the theatre last year, why Argo?
Simple. The Iranian Hostage Crisis is the first real piece of history I can remember in my lifetime. Those “Free the Hostages” stickers that looked like American flags were everywhere in my young world – on school book covers, on cars, on toilet seats. I was horrified by the duration of the terrifying ordeal – nearly one whole half of my life that I could clearly remember since infancy and toddlerhood. One of the hostages was from my hometown – he went to the same high school my nephew now attends. As a result, I think of Argo as my movie – because I have such a personal and visceral connection to it.

Argo is mine. And I doubt I am the only one who feels this way.
These feelings of connection, possession, deeply understood truth, shared history – these are precisely what I strive to evoke in readers with my books and stories. For example, this is one of my favorite lines from She Likes It Rough:

How long would it be before everyone in my family stopped judging me according to the stupid things I’d done as a kid? Wasn’t there any statute of limitations on growing up?
And by the way, the other movie I saw in the theatre last year is The Avengers, the biggest money maker of the year. Something else I strive for when I write my books.
Feel free to check out my daily blog at becomingvr.blogspot.com




GVR Corcillo

author of
  


Queen of the Universe coming this Fall

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SoCal RWA and OCC

March 6, 2013 by in category Pets, Romance & Lots of Suspense by Linda O. Johnston tagged as , ,

This weekend’s OCC meeting will be a prelude to the first SoCalRWA chapters’ joint conference, California Dreamin’!  As you probably know, it takes place on March 15-17 at the Doubletree Hotel in Santa Ana. 

I’ve belonged to two of the four participating RWA chapters forever–OCC, of course, and also the Los Angeles Romance Authors, LARA.  It should really be fun to get all four chapters together so their members can extol the individual virtues of each chapter while we all do what RWA does best: encourage romance writers to write! 

Unfortunately, because of some deadline issues, I may not be there for the entire conference, but I’ll attend as much as I can.  I’ll definitely be there on Sunday, at least.   That’s one good thing about a local conference.  There’s more flexibility in attendance.  And I’m really looking forward to whatever I’m able to participate in. 

In any event, if you’re going, I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun. 

Oh, and by the way, I’m also attending the RWA National Conference this year, too, in Atlanta.  Do you get the impression that I’m a conference lover?  Well, you’re right–and I’m not even mentioning (much) the mystery writers’ conferences I’m attending this year. 

How about you–do you enjoy attending conferences?
–Linda O. Johnston
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