REDUNDANT
September 19, 2018 by Jenny Jensen in category On writing . . . by Jenny Jensen tagged as editing, redundant, writing
REDUNDANT: adj. Exceeding what is necessary or natural; superfluous. Needlessly wordy or repetitive in expression. American Heritage Dictionary
In my editing business I come across redundancy a lot. That and it’s kissin’ cousin overwriting. Both are common, and excusable — especially in the draft stage. We all do it. A draft is the place to get every thought out and on the page. It isn’t surprising when your draft reads: “Conversation with Jason was so dull and boring he was putting Claire to sleep”. That’s a simple repetition of meaning within a single sentence and it’s easy to spot and fix. If Jason is so dull he’s putting Claire to sleep then clearly the guy is boring. Go for punchy: “Claire found conversation with Jason soporific.” If you’re looking for it you’ll spot the redundant meanings and as awareness grows even drafts lose the redundancies.
Redundant means needlessly wordy as well as repetitive and that’s a writing snafu that can suck the life right out of good story.
Despite her past history Shelia remained woefully sad about the unintentional mistake that she’d made a long time ago when she was just a silly, young adolescent and not the wise and knowing 17 year old she was now. She wished she could just postpone the principal’s request until later and deal with the whole ugly business in the future when she was older and prettier (as if that was even possible). Squaring her shoulders she pulled herself up, raised her chin, took an enriching deep breath and marched into Mr. Grisslywald’s office.
Wow, there it is: redundant kissing right up to over writing. They often go hand in hand like mismatched mittens. You know a book suffers from overwriting when you find yourself thinking “Get on with it…puhleese” in the middle of a chapter. But it’s easy to spot when self-editing. If a passage seems overly long take out all the words that don’t affect meaning and then question the necessity of what’s left. Does it move the story forward? Add anything to plot or character understanding? Strengthen foreshadowing or reinforce atmosphere? If not, cast the evil over writing out. Keep your narrative flowing with the essentials.
Having relayed all those warnings about redundancy, it does have a bright side. Repetition is a well-used literary technique. Used correctly and for the right reasons it’s very effective. Trigger words (or phrases) for example. Trigger words are words chosen to elicit an emotional response and can be very powerful when repeated throughout a story. A bit like metaphor, the meaning of a trigger word needs to be established early in the narrative i.e., what emotional response the author wants it to evoke. Then when that trigger word appears again and again in the appropriate place, the reader knows and feels that emotional response. It can be a very effective way to convey character motivation, or reinforce a story’s entire premise.
A story of mine opens with the narrator remembering her grandmother. Granny Mae Rae spit with disdain when talking of those women she called Passion Hearted. These are the women who can’t face their lot, accept the man they’re supposed marry, bear without fuss the children they’re fated to have and carry on with the chores of life without complaint. Instead they search for meaning, for some strange notion of fancy love, chasing after some fey idea of purpose. Granny Mae Rae knew all about purpose and it wasn’t Passion Hearted.
That term is explained up front and repeated throughout the narrative as the heroine comes to learn that she is one of Granny’s Passion Hearted. Her rags to riches character, who seeks a soul mate, is better understood and her motivations reinforced by repetition of that trigger. OK, mine may not be great literature but the technique works.
Repetition can be a really effective device if properly used, but as a natural consequence of writing it’s often redundant. Stay mindful of dull and boring, aware of unnecessary verbiage and repetitive descriptions and actions that don’t add anything. A clean, succinct narrative allows us readers to happily just get lost in the tale.
Jenny
September Featured Author: Rebecca Forster
September 14, 2018 by Rebecca Forster in category Featured Author, Featured Author of the Month tagged as Finn O' Brien Thrillers, Josie Bates Thrillers, Rebecc Forster, September Author of the Month
Featuring Rebecca Forster. September Author of the Month
Rebecca Forster started writing novels on a crazy dare.
Now she is a USA Today and Amazon bestselling author of 29 books which the CBS Legal Correspondent calls, “Perfect. . .impossible to put down.”
After earning her MBA, Forster spent 14 years as a marketing executive before taking the leap from a corporate to a creative career. A fulltime author, speaker and teacher, Rebecca focuses on legal and political thrillers, but is known for bringing an uncommon sense of character and compassion to her work. Her Witness Series, featuring attorney Josie Bates, has resided on the Amazon bestseller lists for over three years in both the U.S. and U.K. and is a featured series at Audible.com. Before Her Eyes, a cross genre thriller, captured the winning votes for Reviewers Choice for Best Mystery.
Rebecca teaches the craft of writing and the cultivation of creativity at programs that have included the acclaimed UCLA Writers Program and as a guest speaker at legal associations, writer’s conferences, women’s symposiums and philanthropic groups across the U.S. She has made repeat appearances at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books and volunteers at Southern California middle schools to bring the excitement of writing into the classroom. Appointed to the Patient/Family Advisory Board at Torrance Memorial Hospital, Rebecca advocates for closer relations between patients, families and medical staff to improve care.
Rebecca lives in Southern California. She is married to a prominent Los Angeles Superior Court judge and is the mother of two grown sons. Travel is a passion and when she is not writing you can find her on a tennis court, in front of a sewing machine or on the couch with a book in her hand.
I don’t think the adventure is over yet – and I know that there are still a zillion books to be written – so I hope you’ll check back for updates. Better yet, drop me note. I would love to hear from you.
Below are just some of her books in print.
Poems by Sal–and more.
September 13, 2018 by Sally Paradysz in category From a Cabin in the Woods by Members of Bethlehem Writers Group tagged as Bethlehem Writers Group, BWG, life, new beginnings, poems, Sally Paradysz
I always feel a little sad each month when the 13th rolls around, and I realize that Sal is no longer with us.
But this time I have good news. First, A Slice of Orange is pleased to publish two of Sal’s poems. Next, members of the Bethlehem Writers Group have volunteered to write columns for the 13th.
Here is the schedule so far:
October: Diane Sismour
November: A. E. Decker
December: Carol L. Wright
January: Jodi Bogert
February: Christopher D. Ochs
March: DT Krippene
Sal was one of the founding members of Bethlehem Writers Group, and I think she would be over the moon that her fellow members are filling her spot.
Marianne
Poems by Sal
ANCIENT RITUALS
Sally Paradysz
Next, I heard some named penance an ancient tradition. A struggle between senses and sense.
Lash marks bled on bare backs. Knees on scarred hardwood, calloused and worn, bent until they screamed for relief.
Men seek to give lessons, but silence was the teacher. Then, we are swept clean and told to go forward in purity.
Penitent, but longing still.
SILENT PAIN, SILENT LOVE
Sally Paradysz
In this world where personal
commitment, with all of its
delicate forms, seems
to be shattering apart,
And unconditional and
undying love has become
nothing more than a
matter of convenience,
There are some of us still,
who find the intelligence
and passion born of living…
In some who approach their
life without analysis,
which can destroy the Whole,
There is some magic in this life,
you know, where if
you only consistently
look at the pieces,
They will just as surely
blow away in the wind
and demolish the All…
Are we becoming obsolete
within a world of
organization, rules, regulations,
in “Bud” we trust,
to borrow a phrase…
Will this magic disappear
with stick-on name tags and
clothes that make us
all look alike…
It is with this passion and
controlled arrow-like intensity,
mixed with warmth,
That I will approach the time
of day when white months
are on the wing,
And in the heat of that
summer’s evening, will let
myself be taken away,
To transcend and merge in
the Light, where such certainty
comes only once, no matter how
many lifetimes you live…
In this dance with the
universe, my eagerness gives way
to shaman-like silence,
Discarding all sense of
anything linear and spiraling toward
millions of candles,
Where my constant companion
of loneliness disappears for
the last time,
And I become consumed and out
of a world that seems
to be God-abandoned…
Never again will I live with dust
on my heart, or feel
trapped by foggy mornings,
Instead I am forever grateful
for the four billion years
Of love,
Which will help me with my
systems of balance and order
in the lifetime I have left…
I have ceased being separate
and now feel free to continue
the dance of integration…
Finding Family Mentioned In A Novel
September 12, 2018 by Denise M. Colby in category The Writing Journey by Denise Colby, Writing tagged as historical, history, James Clyman, Writing History
Imagine you’re reading a fiction historical romance book set in the back country of Montana and one of the characters asks another character if he’s always been a freighter.
He responds with no. He was a trapper.
Aww. Cool. Immediately my mind went to my Great-Great-Great-Grandfather who was a trapper. I continued to read.
He was a part of the great mountain men.
Wait! My Great-Great-Great-Grandfather was called that too. Now my heart was thumping faster as I continued to read. Somehow I just knew what I would see next.
Mountain men like Jedidiah Smith and Jim Clyman.
Stop the presses! That’s my Great-Great-Great-Grandfather’s name! Here in the fiction book I’m reading!!
How cool is that?
I ran around the house showing everyone my Kindle I was so excited!
A lover of all things history, I’ve wanted to write a blog post on James Clyman and our family history for a while, but I’ve been so busy with other topics, I hadn’t gotten to it, but I just had to share this exciting news and tell you a little about him now.
James Clyman. My Great-Great-Great-Grandfather.
He called himself a mountain man. A trapper with Jedidiah Smith, he was the one who sewed Jedidiah’s ear back on after a bear almost swiped it off. He also came over the pass in the sierras and encountered the Donner Party, advising them not to go that way since winter was settling in. And unfortunately they opted not to listen.
Just how do we know all this? He wrote journals. Daily. Details describing who he met and what he did. Those journals have been printed into books. One titled Frontiersman, was printed in 1960 in a limited number mostly for libraries.
He apparently wrote it all on slates and his daughter composed it into a book. I haven’t read it through completely but there’s a chapter on the Black Hawk War and being in the same unit as future President Lincoln and another on his later years when he settled in Napa, Ca.
Another smaller version came out in the 1980s. My dad signed that one for me. Writing on the inside cover that I’m the 6th generation born in Napa to James Clyman. Pretty cool.
And even more cooler…I’ve actually seen the original journals. They are in the Huntington Library in Pasadena.
A Page from a 4th Grade History book from 2014
He’s in the 4th grade history books as well, which was a real treat for my boys whenever they got to that particular unit.
He’s buried in the same cemetery as my parents and his grave is part of a historical tour they host every once in a while.
Another historical nugget – the original ranch house is still standing. My dad used to spend his summers there and when the land was sold off for housing developments my parents purchased in the neighborhood. You could see the top of the ranch house if you stood in my parents backyard.
There’s more but I’ll save that for another post. I have plans for him to make an appearance in a book or two someday. With all the books out there to read, how fascinating I found someone who beat me to it.
What cocktail waitressing taught me about writing by Jina Bacarr
September 11, 2018 by Jina Bacarr in category Jina’s Book Chat, Writing tagged as author, books, cocktail, waitress, Writer, writing
I once worked as a cocktail waitress…great research for stories
Back in my sassy cocktail waitress days, I dreamed about being a writer. I worked until 3 a.m. cleaning up, checking stock, etc., then I’d go home and write. On a charming PC with a black screen and alien green text.
Ah, yes, those were the days.
Dreaming, planning. Wishing and hoping. Always believing if I worked hard enough, I’d get published.
No one told me the road to Oz was a long and winding one. A road filled with curves and pit stops and wrong turns.
Which brings me back to my days as a cocktail waitress. I got the job because I fit into the skimpy costume. A black fringe short, short dress. High, skinny black heels and fishnet stockings. I looked the part, but I had no idea what I was doing. The cute bartender helped me make up a list of the drinks on a placemat (I kept it as a souvenir) and I had adorable pink tip trays.
I spilled drinks. More than once. Okay, I spilled a lot of drinks.
The competition among the waitresses was fierce. Like a beauty pageant. I got punked by another waitress when she set me up with a grabby, belligerent customer who almost got me fired.
I got asked out on dates by customers, but I kept my nose clean. The only date I had after work was with a bear claw at the 24-hour doughnut store.
I became a darned good waitress. I learned the drinks by heart, got my tray balancing on like a pro, knew when to steer the bouncer to a table of tipsy, unruly drinkers, navigated the jealousy of the other girls, made good friends, and enjoyed the job.
So, what does all this have to do with writing?
Cocktail waitressing taught me that like writing, it’s not one thing that makes you good at what you do. Sometimes it’s going outside your comfort zone to get the job done. Whether that’s learning new technology, expanding your social media network when you have no idea what works, taking criticism (I learned how to serve a drink by dipping and bending my knees) and writing is rewriting. It’s about learning your craft, persistence, and getting through the tough moments when you want to quit. Have your cry and get over it.
I have several book projects on submission….keep you posted!
Featured Books
BEYOND CONTROL
Present Danger—When Victoria Bradford got engaged, she told herself to give love a chance. Six months later, she's on the run from her angry, abusive ex-fiancé with her four-year-old daughter and nowhere to go.
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