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GAIL KIMBERLY FRANCIS: A Second Wedding

I’m not sure if most marriage ceremonies still say “..for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…” but in the 21-year marriage of Cindy and Chang Lee, the meaning of those words was certainly observed. After bearing two children, Cindy had back trouble that didn’t go away and left her unable to get around on her own. Chang, a physician, made sure that when he couldn’t look after Cindy himself, some good caregiver did.

Then the unthinkable happened. Chang got a brain tumor. He went through surgery, radiation and chemotherapy and whatever other treatments could be given him, but after months of trying, everything failed. He was going to die soon.

That’s when he decided how he wanted to leave his family and his life. “I want to repeat our wedding,” he told Cindy, “with all the original bridesmaids and groomsmen and relatives who can attend. I want our two children to see how our marriage started. I want a reminder of how much I love you, and how much you love me. Then I may be able to say goodbye. For now.”

The wishes of those who are dying are like commands to those who love them. Arrangements were hastily made for a marriage ceremony in Maui, the air perfumed by plumeria and the whispering ocean as background music. They would have a luau and dancers and all the natural beauty of the Hawaiian island.

They will be flying over there by the end of June, along with people who care about them and wish them well, both of them in wheelchairs, both still in love, and both preparing to say goodbye.

But perhaps only for now.

Gail Kimberly Francis

CHRIS DIAMOND: Got Wheaties?

Can I eat Wheaties forever? You know the old cliché that every guy tells another guy. “Why get married? You don’t want to eat Wheaties for the rest of you life do you?” It’s not like there’s Groom’s Magazine to answer these questions. Most of the time the men get overlooked when it comes to the wedding. It’s really considered “her day” anyway.

But I remember our wedding vividly.

For me I had butterflies right when I woke up that morning. It happened to be at 4 AM in the morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep, but we’ll consider that “morning” since it was 7AM East Coast Time. Not much to do at 4 AM except think about Wheaties.
Crazy thoughts start racing through your head like am I too young to get married, had I had enough “experiences”, should I travel the world before I get hitched?? Way too much deep stuff to think about at 4 AM, this, ladies, is why there is ESPN News and infomercials.

The day goes by just like any other day for the most part, you have the best man at your beck and call which is kind of cool because he’s like your slave for a day. They must do that because they realize it’s the last time you’ll be able to boss anyone around and not have a discussion about it. I also found out if you tell the girl at Supercut’s it’s your wedding day you get a free haircut!! Most of the time they are bad by your standards, but hey what do you expect for $15.00 plus tip!!

Now comes the big moment, I’m in the tux, everyone’s staring at me, Mom’s crying and the bride’s maids are in their places. The typical intro chimes in and suddenly the doors are not opening. Sheer panic starts to hit me. I’m going to be one of “those guys”. You know the one that you see in the movies where the cute Maid of Honor gives the groom the note and he sits on the altar steps in a crumbled heap of pathetic goo. Finally they swing open and there she is. All I remember thinking was WOW and then the sudden fear of feeling my eyes starting to blur. The last thing I wanted to do was bawl my eyes out. Now that would be real manly and impress my soon-to-be wife. So I take the deep breath, look at the ceiling, stare at a flower for a second and start to think of baseball stats. Yes, it works for crying just as well as you know what!!

The rest is history, the pictures, the first dance were all great, but what’s even better is waking up every morning next to my beautiful wife and thinking Wheaties are damn good.

Chris Diamond
For more on Chris visit: http://www.husbandsanonymous.blogspot.com/

SARA BLACK: Going to the Shrine

Despite the fact that they were getting married in the country of her birth and not his, my Japanese best friend blamed her American fiancé for the difficulties of planning her wedding.

“He’s the one who wanted a ceremony.”

Her wedding took place at the Atsuta shrine in Nagoya on May 27th,2006, a traditionally good day to get married. And we saw many other wedding groups pass by throughout the day. Japanese-style weddings always happen in Shinto shrines because Buddhist temples are reserved for death, and they’d rather not combine death and marriage.

We started out by walking in a procession that was supposed to be arranged according to people’s relation to the couple, but ended up a confused blob with people sticking with those they could comfortably chat with along the way. At the head of the confusion was my best friend, being helped by an attendant as she walked over the gravel in her traditional white kimono and headdress.

The Shinto Priest led us in prayers for the couple, at least that’s what I assume he was doing since my Japanese isn’t that good. The bride and groom meanwhile were directed to hold a pair of branches in various different ways until the Priest was satisfied.

The next part of the wedding was sitting in a room and sipping tea as we waited for our turn in the shrine for the main ceremony. At this point we noticed a general assumption by the staff of the shrine that as Caucasians my crew belonged with the groom’s party. I admit to some resentment. But as he only had 3 members of his family there and the bride had at least 10, it did even the sides out a bit.

The actual wedding ceremony involves spending a great amount of time watching the bride and groom drink very small sips of sake. The most interesting part was when some men played very loud, sharp sounding instruments while two women in red and white Shinto dress did an elaborate little dance with the ever-present tree branches.

The poor groom, who does not know Japanese, did a fair job of plowing through a speech in that language about marriage and the home, at which point the bride gets off easy and only has to say something like “I am wife,” and the rest of the party finally gets to drink their own little saucers of sake. Up until that point I had thought the clear liquid they were pouring was water so I was a bit surprised.

The reception is not so different from a western wedding, complete with embarrassing dart games. Except if it had been an American reception, I might have missed out on my boyfriend using the karaoke machine to sing an interesting rendition of “(I Can’t Help) Falling In Love With You.”

But it was at the reception that all the cultural differences finally fell away. The groom’s parents (who were from Michigan and as different from my family and the Japanese) followed up their first ever karaoke song with their first ever taste of raw fish. The groom’s brother connected with the bride’s uncles over copious amounts of whiskey. And I found my mother crying with the bride’s aunt and a friend of the family over the fact that the bride’s mother had passed away a few years ago and could not be here to cry herself.

At the end of it all there too was the part of the wedding where the guests get to fumble awkwardly on the microphone and wish the smirking bride and her polite groom a healthy life together. This wedding benefited from the bride’s very drunk uncle’s (later nicknamed the “drunkles”) monologues that made no sense even for those who understood the language. My very brief “Omedetou Gozaimasu” (“congratulations”) was tame by comparison.

Of course we eventually had to leave the room to allow the next wedding party to use it, and we gathered in the lobby to say our last goodbyes and slowly make our exits. We were all still enjoying talking together so this took some time.

Though the ceremony was beautiful and I enjoyed seeing my best friend wed, I think I still sided with her in the end. Should I ever get married, I’d opt to run off to Vegas.

Sara Black
For the full wedding story you can go to: http://scratchingposts.blogspot.com/2006/05/day-3-my-best-friends-wedding.html