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Bully Pulpit

Did you know that Emerson’s saying is “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,” not, as I had heard for many years (and found very confusing), ‘Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.’

I understand that rigid adherence to consistency can be problematic—following the letter Vs the spirit of a law or requirement can be absurd.

But in general some level of consistency seems like a good thing. Inconsistency can be unfair.  It’s untrustworthy, can be arbitrary and impossible to work with or depend on.

So when someone is strongly endorsing some belief and presenting the profound rightness of their opinion and the unbelievable wrongness of alternative positions—when they demand that others change their minds and believe whatever the speaker believes, it begs the question whether that declared “truth” is adhered to consistently across the board by its passionate advocate.

That only seems fair, right?

Some people are convinced that their belief trumps all others.  And that everyone that believes differently is wrong, bad, indeed evil.  They believe that any action to convert or convince others of the error of their ways is justified, and if unconvinced, exterminating the unbelievers is a justifiable solution (figuratively or literally).

Unfortunately, that applies to many early versions of present religions—I’m thinking the Crusades and the Inquisition, for example—and for some, this attitude remains true to this day.

Bullies and bullying are not just in playgrounds or schools, they are all around us.  And like those bullied children, we rarely have the courage to stand up to them or call them out.  In fact, we can be complicit.  For even as we cheer at watching a triumph-of-the-underdog story, we delightedly click on some over-the-top hate-filled rant, or pillory someone for a politically incorrect faux pas.

Indeed bullies seeking the public eye often gravitate towards a position that is on the moral high ground, so they are given a pass on their bullying behavior.  They are “saving” some unarguably sympathetic element that cannot speak for itself—and thus cannot reject its self-appointed “savior” as a self-serving, manipulative bully (e.g. animals, children, environment, etc.).  Their statements of caring are specious and inconsistent—they talk and talk, but do not walk the walk.

If they truly cared about what they so passionately claim, what other behaviors might we reasonably expect them to exhibit?  What are they actually doing to meaningfully help those they are the alleged advocates and supporters of?

For the most part they just like to dictate to others how to live their lives.  But no matter how many flags they wrap themselves in, or selfie halos they snap on, they are bullies, and there is no practice to their preaching.

Just how consistent are they?  Really, that’s not a foolish question.

Isabel Swift

Be Your Character’s Life Coach, with Terrel Hoffman

Having trouble with your characters? Our OCCRWA February Online Class can help!

Terrel Hoffman is here today to talk about the online class she’ll be teaching starting February 16, 2015:

The Court of Public Opinion

I learned one thing when I served on a jury.

Well, in fairness, I learned more than one thing, but one thing really did stand out, and I’ve never forgotten it.  

Perhaps because it was so obvious.  Perhaps because at the time the people I shared my revelation with felt that it should hardly have been a revelation.  And perhaps it shouldn’t have been.  But OMG it is something I truly wish everyone actually felt was not only obvious, but something they should live by on a daily basis.

My particular case was excruciatingly boring and interminable (yes, even the Judge went to sleep once), but the experience truly reinforced the home truth: 

Don’t judge before you have heard both sides. Really.  Don’t.

Now in life, you often don’t have the opportunity to hear both sides.  

So pop quiz: what shouldn’t you do?  

Correct: don’t come down on a final judgement.  

Sure you can have an opinion, but acknowledge that you’re shooting from the hip and your aim and accuracy will suffer for it.

Of course, it is fun to judge others—it can be enormously satisfying and quite entertaining—but not if you start to take yourself and the numerous equally uninformed others seriously.  If you plan to make a serious judgment you have to investigate all sides and unemotionally do your homework. And it’s hardly reasonable to take other opinions seriously unless they’ve listened to all sides and done their homework, right? But reason doesn’t seem to have much cachet right now.

A favorite childhood tale was a friend who had a somewhat…difficult relationship with her older brother.  Her favorite method of pulling his chain was to wallop him, then shout, “Mommy, Johnny’s hitting me!!!!” Mom would, naturally arrive just in time to see with her own eyes Johnny retaliating, and send him off, no excuses.  Eyewitness account!

Our judge instructed us in our role as a jury, noting that it was up to us to discern the truth from the information we were given.  “Ask yourself,” he requested, “why someone is saying something.  Figure out what their motives might be, what the repercussions might be, and assess the information accordingly.” (Like: will it sell more papers? Get hits? Go viral? Make me famous? Yes? Think about it.)

Good advice.

But in this self-obsessed, self-revelatory, boundary-less world of private/public yammering, everyone is a self-anointed judge, jury and executioner.  That is until someone points out the accused wasn’t even there, or the visuals were utterly misinterpreted, or the victim was actually the perpetrator—or vice versa.  Oops!

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. [Matthew 7:1-2]

I appreciate the power of stories, books, films—whatever—to put us in the shoes of those pilloried by public opinion.  And, I hope, offer us some insight and restraint in controlling our own often irrational and thoughtless behavior.  

Bullying isn’t just the province of the young.

Isabel Swift