Copy line on movie ad (no, I can’t remember the title) with armed woman: Wife. Mother. Hero.
Why is a women defined by her relation to others? Would any man be described as Husband. Father. Hero.? I don’t think so. More like: Explorer. Visionary. Hero.
It’s all about what he does, who he is. Hers is about who she is connected to. That’s why women traditionally have an honorific that links them to their male partner: Mrs. Or lack of partner: Miss. Vs men, who are just Mr. Their status as a partner is deemed irrelevant.
For instance: a man does not need to be reminded to put his oxygen mask on first. His default is to think of himself first, others later. And he expects others to think the same way—to first take care of themselves, then perhaps consider others. That may be why he doesn’t thank you (you female person) for your selfless act. He thinks you’re crazy. Or stupid. Or both. Or maybe just trying to ingratiate yourself with him, as he tends to think hierarchically, so sees favors in a transactional manner. Not that a man isn’t capable of a selfless act, it’s just an unlikely part of his daily routine.
Women often think of others first, themselves last. For many that’s their default (yes, even if they’re not mothers). And they expect others to think the same way. And of course they (female people) take it personally (perhaps with a long-suffering sigh) when they discover there’s no parity, and they’re not very high on anyone else’s list. Perhaps even more irritatingly, they may be thought of as being an idiot for taking care of others and not bothering to take care of themselves.
Each sex is ‘modeling’ behavior that the other guy just isn’t picking up. Neither is exactly right, but not entirely wrong, either. And it doesn’t align.
Men tend to see things hierarchically, competitively, with winners and losers, while women tend to be more collegial and consensus driven, focusing on making something work. (Hey, my title promised “Some sweeping generalizations and celebrating stereotypes,” don’t say I don’t deliver!). Deborah Tannen’s Talking 9 to 5 offers some great stories of how these different basic assumptions can create miscommunication, misunderstanding and problems.
In many cultures, women traditionally have had little to no direct power and have had to work with indirect power: influence, relationships, connections, being liked, finding people to partner with. For a woman, helping others, doing favors, etc. is often a way of establishing friendship and usually inspires thanks, gratitude and likely a return favor in response—if the recipient is a woman.
But if the recipient is man, he may well see the gift as an effort to curry favor, confirming his status as the superior: the one to whom gifts and honor are due. Thanks are not necessary and no return gift would ever be given, as that would mean Giver and Givee were on the same level, which is not an acceptable idea when a hierarchy has just been established to Givee’s satisfaction!
Women may view support as a circular, mutually beneficial experience. For men, it is likely more linear, a bottom up effort to propitiate and curry favor of the leaders—who may then have an obligation to protect their underlings. Like a feudal lord getting his due from his dependents, he will have to try to stave off the barbarian hordes if they show up, or build a walled city to protect them, but he’s not partners with his serfs.
You can see how misunderstandings and disappointments might abound!
And why romance writers and romance readers are a necessary ingredient in our lives….
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Please stop by next month.
Fall Release: BWL, Ltd. |
Novella, BWL, Ltd., current release |
(You can read my previous posts about my experience with the Kindle Scout program by clicking on Part 1 , Part 2 and Part 3.)
Glass slippers don’t last forever…
But Kindle e-Books do.
So when Cindy discovered her treasured glass slippers had a crack in them…ow! It was time to get a new pair.
And that’s what’s been happening in publishing. It’s time to embrace new and different ways of getting our books to readers. That’s where the Kindle Scout program fills the gap. As I’ve discussed in previous posts, it’s been an amazing journey for me since I started my campaign with LOVE ME FOREVER, my Civil War time travel romance.
Last week I danced in my slippers when LOVE ME FOREVER went on sale.
Amazon sent me an email with the screenshots, showing LOVE ME FOREVER PR. My book was in the first slot on page one.
I’ve been blogging, too. Check out my posts on www.jinabacarr.wordpress.com
Facebook Launch Party
The Kindle Scout Authors did a 3-hour Facebook party. It was amazing…you can read all the comments and see what happened here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1755873821306210
Time travel is my favorite genre, so I was thrilled to hit the Kindle e–Books>Romance>Time Travel Top 100 list several times. Here’s a graphic I made:
But most gratifying to me are the reviews:
“This is one of the best time travel historical novels I have ever read. I was hooked from page one. The descriptive scenes of the Civil War battles are so realistic that you find yourself imagining you are actually on the battlefield. I highly recommend this book.”
“Gripped me from the first page and wouldn’t let go until I finished the book HOURS later.”
“Rich in history and social issues, Love Me Forever is both deep and emotionally compelling. Another fine read from a Kindle Scout winner.”
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What’s next for me? I’m writing the sequel to LOVE ME FOREVER, “Love Me Always,” where we meet up with the offspring of the one of the heroines and send her off on her own time traveling adventure!
Thanks for coming along with me on my journey.
~Jina
Website: www.jinabacarr.com
Blog: www.jinabacarr.wordpress.com
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The Four Friends
A. A. Milne (1882-1956)
0 0 Read moreI was looking for a pair of normal jeans and not having much luck. So I went into the giant Levi shop (All Levis All The Time) filled with hope! Surely Levi would be able to deliver a pair of regular jeans.
Think again.
Fabric dark, cheap feeling, and like ever other jean product available on the market “stylishly” torn, big holes at knees or strange white blobs of wear on the legs in places that would never, naturally, get worn.
Or multiple peculiar holes all over, as if they’d been left hanging in some automatic weapons firing range and had been peppered good. Or both…
I look at the young clerk and confessed: “You know, I just feel it is my job to wear out my own jeans. It doesn’t seem right to have it contracted out to some machine or child laborer.”
He nodded sympathetically. (The customer is always right).
Yes, in my day we had active lives. We did stuff. We wore holes in our jeans without any outside help. Yep, not even from our disinterested non-helicopter parents.
Our jeans were authentic. Artisanal. Indeed the work was just about as local as you could get.
When you look at the language being used now to market and enhance our present possessions, foods and lifestyle, beneath the words, you can hear this wild, inchoate cry against the virtualness of much of our present existence: instant, effortless, convenient. But somehow insubstantial, unsatisfying.
Unearned.
Isabel Swift
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Lady Elinor Ashworth always longed for adventure, but ...
More info →What if Scrooge was a tall, dark, and oh so sexy Wall Street billionaire?
More info →A Slice of Orange is an affiliate with some of the booksellers listed on this website, including Barnes & Nobel, Books A Million, iBooks, Kobo, and Smashwords. This means A Slice of Orange may earn a small advertising fee from sales made through the links used on this website. There are reminders of these affiliate links on the pages for individual books.
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